Caleb Hope Foundation

Excerpts from the Journal of Jessica Staton

June 30, 2010

I have found myself to be shocked or surprised by very little of what I’ve seen here in India.  I feel numb.  Like all the trash and filth, children with polio, flies and rotting garbage, children begging for money or food, like all of that is just to be expected.  I find myself feeling nothing when I see them.  And then, when I’m not expecting it, see a child playing on the floor and when I call the child’s name to come play with me, he doesn’t get up and walk to me because his legs are shriveled and deformed by polio.  And anger and sadness well up in my heart as I watch him scoot across the floor.  But he has the most beaming and beautiful smile. 

I’ve had so much fear since the first day we woke up and had little girls peeking into our room; full of curiosity about who we were, these visitors from America.  I was afraid to get close to them, to get to know little things like their favorite color and big things like how they made it to the orphanage and the things that are in their hearts.  I’m afraid that they will see me and hear me and be disappointed.  I am afraid that I won’t be able to teach them anything.  I’m afraid of how I will feel when I have to leave them.  I know that that time will come.  They have so little material wealth or possessions and they have walked through many hard things, but their joy is so great.  I am inspired by THEM.  I learn from THEM. I learn what it means to have true riches and true joy!